Unveiling the Hidden Crisis: Understanding the "Secret Divorce"

In today’s fast-paced world, marriage is often tested by the pressures of life, leaving many couples feeling disconnected and alone. In this episode of the Covenant Army Marriage Podcast, hosts Brent and Lucy dive into a pressing issue that many couples face yet seldom discuss—what they term the "secret divorce."

**Defining the "Secret Divorce"**
The term "secret divorce" refers to a silent decision made by one partner to end the marriage once the children are grown. This decision is often not articulated but rather festers in the heart, leading to emotional disconnection. As Brent explains, it’s a painful process where one spouse begins to formulate an escape plan while the other remains unaware of the impending crisis.

**The Dangers of Apathy**
The hosts highlight that the enemy thrives in silence and darkness, making it easy for couples to maintain a facade of a happy marriage while struggling internally. Many couples are skilled at wearing masks, creating an illusion of harmony while concealing bitterness and distance. Brent emphasizes that spiritual warfare can often manifest in this slow deterioration of relationships, which can go unnoticed until it’s too late.

**The Heart's Deception**
A poignant moment in the podcast is when Lucy cites Jeremiah 17:9, stating, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure." This highlights the dangers of allowing emotions to lead rather than faith. The reality is that most secret divorces begin long before legal papers are filed, often resulting from years of unmet expectations and emotional neglect.

**The Impact of Parenting**
The couple discusses how many spouses focus on raising children at the expense of nurturing their marriage. While parenting takes precedence, the relationship often becomes a partnership in logistics rather than love and purpose. Brent poignantly states that raising children is a temporary assignment, but the covenant of marriage is forever. Once children leave the home, the absence of a strong marital connection can lead to feelings of emptiness and disillusionment.

**The Call for Healing**
To combat the secret divorce, the Howell’s urge couples to bring their heart issues to God. They stress the importance of surrendering to Jesus and seeking healing together as a couple. Lucy encourages couples to confront the lies they may believe about their spouse and to communicate openly about their feelings and struggles.

**Recognizing the Signs**
Lastly, the podcast addresses the signs that indicate one spouse may be contemplating leaving. This includes emotional distance, a lack of communication, and feelings of resentment. It’s crucial for couples to recognize these signs early and address them before they escalate into a crisis.

The "secret divorce" is a silent struggle that many couples face, but it doesn’t have to lead to destruction. By fostering open communication, prioritizing the marriage, and seeking God’s guidance, couples can navigate their challenges and strengthen their relationship. The key takeaway from this episode is that marriage requires continuous effort and commitment, particularly during the challenging phases of parenting. Remember, it’s never too late to seek help and reignite the love that brought you together in the first place.